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Love between Equals: Relationship as a Spiritual Path
Get Free Ebook Love between Equals: Relationship as a Spiritual Path
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Review
“Imagine the wisdom of a long-term contemplative practitioner woven together with the insights and compassion of a psychoanalytically trained and deeply experienced couples therapist, tie these together with the broad knowledge of a caring and curious educator, and you’ll get a sense of the tapestry that is the colorful collage of Love between Equals.”—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, founder of the Mindsight Institute“Intimate relationships are the householder’s monastery: a place to learn about oneness and connectivity with a special other. In the most successful relationships, that oneness and connectivity extends out to encompass all of creation. But for a relationship to be successful at that level, one must be willing to be affirmed and negated, expanded and contracted, allowed and limited over and over again. Young-Eisendrath is both a seasoned psychotherapist and a veteran contemplative adept. As such, she is ideally qualified to provide the information and inspiration you’ll need in order to achieve that noble goal.”—Shinzen Young, author of The Science of Enlightenment “With razor-sharp clarity, depth, and compassion, Young-Eisendrath takes the reader on an illuminating journey into romantic love. Weaving together the insights of depth psychology, psychoanalysis, and Buddhist spirituality, she outlines a truly clarifying reflection on the nuts and bolts of sustainable partnership. Read this alone or with your partner. It is a gift to anyone who wants to live into the experience of mature love.”—Pilar Jennings, PhD, author of To Heal a Wounded Heart“Love between Equals brilliantly illuminates our most important adult developmental task—how to love and be loved. While the topic is ancient and ageless, our contemporary practice of choosing an equal partner commands a different approach to love—one that requires both spiritual and psychological development. Synthesizing the wisdom from psychoanalysis and Buddhist practice, Young-Eisendrath shows us how to skillfully work with our demanding self so that we may truly love our partner and our relationship.”—Roshi Grace Schireson, PhD“Have you ever wondered why falling in love so rarely leads to lasting intimacy? Or why love between parents and children has grown ever more confusing in the age of psychotherapy? Answers to these troubling questions, and more, fill the pages of this masterful book by the analyst and relationship expert Polly Young-Eisendrath. Combining decades of clinical practice with her lifelong devotion to Buddhist dharma, Young-Eisendrath offers readers a brilliant roadmap to loving wisely and sustainably in the twenty-first century. Full of insight, humor, and practical advice, this is a must-read for anyone puzzled by love and intricacies of the human heart. I couldn’t put it down.”—Mark Matousek, author of Writing to Awaken: A Journey of Truth, Transformation, and Self-Discovery
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About the Author
Polly Young-Eisendrath, PhD, is a Jungian analyst, psychologist, and psychotherapist in private practice. She is the clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont and the founder and director of the Institute for Dialogue Therapy. She is past president of the Vermont Association for Psychoanalytic Studies and a founding member of the Vermont Institute for the Psychotherapies. Polly is also the chairperson of Enlightening Conversations, a series of conversational conferences that bring together participants from the front lines of Buddhism and psychoanalysis. Polly has published sixteen books, as well as many chapters and articles, that have been translated into more than twenty languages, including The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance and The Present Heart: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Discovery.
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Product details
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Shambhala (January 15, 2019)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1611804787
ISBN-13: 978-1611804782
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.7 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
5.0 out of 5 stars
7 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#20,945 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
It’s a common experience for therapists to look around and wonder how they, and other trained clinicians, can be just as trapped in avoidance, attacking and repetitive conflicts in their personal relationships as their patients are. In fact, the closer and more intimate the relationship, the more apt we all are to display reactive, aggressive and immature behavior. And with all of the wonderful therapy methods out there, it is often a mystery as to why so many of us, therapists and non-therapists, just can’t seem to break out of these destructive, repetitive patterns. We find ourselves stuck yet again in old painful discussions when we encounter a conflict with those we love the most: our partners, siblings, and grown children.And here is a surprising truth that may explain some of that- insight won’t fix this. We can spend years in therapy developing boatloads of insight and still be impossible to live with because of the massive blind spots we have developed in our relationships. When we find ourselves diagnosing, labeling and characterizing we are not truly knowing, understanding and accepting those we love. How do we avoid this common trap and set ourselves free to love more abundantly?Polly Young-Eisendrath PhD has masterfully brought the mindfulness of Buddhism together with the insights of psychoanalysis to give us the tools to untangle the mysterious spell which seems havr befallen us. She explains that by winning the rights we now have in the 21st century to love/marry whom we choose, commit to equality in relationships and expect a best friend who “gets us†and mirrors us accurately, we have won a sort of lottery of love. But we have no idea how to manage our windfall. We are rich with freedom, equality and friendship in these relationships, but live with a poverty of skills to manage them.Love Between Equals teaches the skills and provides a map through the “broken hallelujah†that is love. Dialogue Therapy itself, is a guided tour, which will leave you more compassionate, more mindful and able to see yourself and your partner clearly. These skills will leave you changed and will pay dividends for the rest of your life and all of your important relationships.
I found the concepts in this book to be especially helpful in many of my relationships, not just with my spouse, but my other family members as well. This is a new way of approaching your relationships while realizing what is going on and motivating you within yourself.
Informative and honest look at relationships, our greatest teachers. The depth and breadth of wisdom gleaned from these pages, makes it invaluable. I’ll be giving copies to my clients, friends and loved ones. Deep gratitude to the author for sharing her experiences and knowledge, thank you.
If Daniel Siegel is willing to write the forward, I knew this was a worthwhile book! And indeed it is. Love Between Equals is, in part about truly seeing the person you are with, not colored by whatever color glasses you are wearing. And it is about having a relationship with that person, not trying to twist the relationship into what it would be with an ideal person – the needs and personalities of both partners need to be respected by both partners to have the deep, spiritual, fulfilling relationship that Young-Eisendrath guides us to.What the chapters cover:CH 1: Personal Love – Why love in the twenty-first century is so difficult; Love and marriage; No simple formulas; The special challenge of projective identification; Becoming conscious and becoming mindful; Dialogue therapy; Buddhism, psychoanalysis, and personal loveCH 2: Falling in Love and Taking It Personally – The combination of familiarity, sexuality, and power; Biology, attachment bonds, and personal love; Longing – not to be alone; The first noble truth of your intimate enemy; Blind to Dukkha; No blame: embracing DukkhaCH 3: Trust in Your Relationship: Commitment, Constraint, and Containment – um, well, this is on commitment, constraint, and containmentCH 4: Dialogue: Becoming a Mindful Witness – Becoming a witness, being witnessed; Dialogue and feelings; Mindfulness in the context of witnessing; Meditation instructionCH 5: The Streets of Love -- Cherishment: love on a one-way street; Love on a two-way street; Whole self to whole self: autonomy, vulnerability, and sexuality, purpose, realityCH 6: True Love as a Spiritual Practice – Eros and agape; Two basic spiritual principles from Buddhism; Concentration, equanimity, personal responsibility; Commitment to taking seriously the needs and vices of a particular person; Understanding the demands of living day-to-day and making decisions with an equal; Ongoing inquiry into the mystery of reciprocity and mutualityCH 7: Family, Friends, and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century – Your body through a new lens; Your desires through a new lens; Personal love and parenting; Personal love between friends; Personal love in marriageI would note that this is a deep look at relationships and may be hard for someone raised by parents who were not emotionally intelligent to get a grasp on. I would still recommend it, but would also recommend reading Running on Empty, by Dr. Jonice Webb, too.
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